Meet Craig Halkett: a defender of apparent limited palette but enduring commitment to the cause. Born in Scotland on 29 May 1995, which makes him 29 if you've misplaced your abacus, he's standing tall at 6ft (or 1.83m for those who prefer their measurements less imperial). Weighing in at a sturdy 13st 9lb (or 87kg if you're metrically inclined), Halkett amuses himself by wearing the number 4 jersey like he's doing it a favour.
Primarily, Halkett plies his trade as a central defender for Hearts, a task to which he applies himself with a stoicism that would bring a tear to the eye of even the most hardened cynic. According to Transfermarkt, an outfit who seem to specialise in attaching numerical values to human beings, Halkett's market value is currently hovering around the £0.3m. His contract with Hearts is set to expire on 31 May 2026, assuming hearts don't run out of patience sooner.
In the carousel ride of transfer history, Halkett's first spin was with Rangers in the Premiership back in the glory days of July 2012. But just two short years later, in September 2014, he found himself gallivanting off on loan to the more humble surroundings of Clyde in League Two. His tenure saw a blistering performance of appearing ten times in league matches — a number surely etched in the annals of Clyde's history.
To continue his journey of football enlightenment, in October 2015, Halkett was off to Berwick Rangers, where he had the joy of making four appearances in the Lowland League. At this point, anyone could be forgiven for feeling a vicious streak of envy strike their heart - the glamour is almost overwhelming.
Next stop on Halkett's tour of the Scottish football landscape was Livingston in the Championship in January 2016. During his stay, he netted 15 appearances and one goal, setting the stage for the following seasons where he made a grand total of 102 appearances and fifteen goals. Must've been quite the party.
Finally, the lad made it to Hearts in July 2019, completing a prestigious hat-trick of Scottish football clubs he's represented. Over five seasons, he's chalked up 70 appearances and five goals, a statistic that will surely bring warmth to the hearts of the club's faithful.
If league performances aren't indulgent enough, Halkett has also distinguished himself in the very crests of Scottish football - the League Cup 2024 - 2025 and the Scottish Cup 2023 - 2024, with one and two starts respectively. Top stuff indeed.
A toast then, to Craig Halkett: the tenacious defender salaryman, living proof that football really is a funny old game.
