Our expedition into the life and times of the fairly adequate Glenn Middleton, born on the very first day of the Millennium in England - a land known for its teeming football talents - takes us on a journey somewhat more mundane than Gareth Southgate's waistcoat. Alas, let us tread on.
Starring primarily as a forward and at times, showing his ability in the role of a left-winger, the lad currently guises for Dundee United. He dons the aptly humdrum number 15 jersey, standing at a wholly average 5ft 9in (1.76m) tall and lugging around a weight of 10st 9lb (68kg).
The folks at Transfermarkt tout his current market value around a modest £295k, which compared to Neymar's worth, is roughly the equivalent of loose change found down the back of your couch. His time in Dundee United might well be running its course with the contract set to breathe its last on 31 May 2025.
With a career that reads like a fair-to-middling report card, Middleton first kicked a ball in anger in the 2018-2019 season with Rangers. He had 15 first team appearances and netted two goals. Not a bad start, one might say, if one were trying to find the silver lining in a lead cloud.
The following season, the peripatetic journeyman found himself with Hibernian, making six first team appearances. No goals to speak of unless you count the ones he might have scored in training.
A year later, he hawked his services to St Johnstone, appearing nine times with two balls finding their way to the back of the net. The year following, Middleton graced the field 28 times yet managed only a solitary goal - probably from a penalty. Who knows?
Then perhaps finding St Johnstone too sunny, he took himself to Dundee United in 2022. The next two seasons saw him make 65 appearances and score a half dozen goals. A commendable tally if we're being charitable. The current season? A paltry nine appearances. One wonders if he's been moonlighting as a reserve goalkeeper or perhaps writing his memoirs during his ample downtime.
