Liam Kelly, a footballer sprung from the womb and onto Scotland's cold, gory pitch on 23rd January of 1996, has spent much of his time playing the role of goalkeeper for various teams. A youngster with a height of 6ft 2in (1.89m), and a respectable weight of 12st 12lb (82kg), Kelly chose the prisoner's number 31 to adorn his jersey, a decision that was as mystifying as his football career.
Once upon a time, this Scottish colt even had the honour of joining Scotland's 'premier' Premiership side, Rangers, in July 2004. Not one to disappoint, Kelly obliged tradition at Rangers by making zero first team appearances in the current 2024-2025 season.
It wasn't until January 2016 that our capricious goalie decided to take his goalkeeping artistry to East Fife on loan. Here was a place where his service on the field was recognized, granted the opportunity to make a whopping sixteen, yes 16, first team appearances in his debut season. Now, for the cynics amongst us, this is not a typo, he did indeed make it to the field!
The novelty wore off though, and Mr. Kelly grew homesick. Returning to Rangers following the completion of his loan, he quickly returned to form, and as if caught in a time loop, racked up precisely the same total of first team appearances as before, a resounding zero.
But July 2016 was to bring a surprising twist, a loan move to Livingston. During the 2016-2017 and 2018-2019 seasons, Kelly made efforts to prove his salt, holding onto his jersey and making 34 and 36 first team appearances respectively.
Soon enough, the nomadic siren call beckoned Kelly back to Rangers, firmly securing his role in the tradition of making no first team appearances. However, the cosmos decided a change was needed and he was sold to Livingston for a fee that Rangers would rather we knew nothing about.
The wandering minstrel didn't cease his travels. In July 2019, he left green Scotland to shower his disorientation upon the English Championship team, Queens Park Rangers. While he managed to scrape up 19 appearances, he was obviously restless.
His solution? A simple loan hop over to Scotland’s Motherwell in January 2021 where he relished a real busy time on the sidelines. Season after season, 2020-2021, 2021-2022, 2022-2023, and finally 2023-2024, he played an unshakable 18, 38, 38, and 38 first team appearances accordingly.
Despite being on loan, somewhere during this time, he was apparently sold from Queens Park Rangers to Motherwell. I suppose Rangers was happy to have finally rid themselves of him. How this affected his first team appearances though was anyone’s guess.
Finally, in July 2024, Kelly returned to his old haunting ground, Rangers. Be it brave or foolhardy, Kelly once again tossed his lot in to make no first team appearances. Will his story end in unnoticed glory on this field? That remains to be seen, but knowing our Kelly, it’s unlikely. For now, let's raise a sardonic glass to Liam Kelly, the footballing conundrum wrapped in an enigma.
