Born and bred under the hot sun of the Ivory Coast, Mohamed Diomande—the 6ft (1.83m) tall, 11st 11lb (75kg) midfielder with the number 10 on his jersey—had an interesting, if not controversial, start in football. Perhaps unsurprisingly, as he was presumably tired of smashing pineapples with his bare feet and wanted to kick a real football, he transferred from the Right to Dream Academy in Ghana to FC Nordsjaelland in Denmark in January of 2020. Good on him, I say.
In his debut season 2019 - 2020 at FC Nordsjaelland, despite the jetlag, Diomande still managed to grace the pitch five times in league matches. Must've been the kind of overwhelming enthusiasm for the sport that makes one overlook the minus 20 degrees Celsius Danish winter.
During 2020 - 2021, despite the smell of pickled herring lingering in the air, Diomande made 11 first team appearances and even scored three goals. Wouldn't have been more than a fluke, mind you. But life, as they say, moves on, and Diomande lined up for 25 matches in 2021 - 2022, netting another three times. Highlight of his career, no doubt.
By 2022 - 2023, he was practically a Danish institution, making 32 appearances in total while managing to score five goals—presumably not all at once. The next season, he still donned the jersey 13 times before deciding to bid 'farvel' to his Danish comrades.
In a convincing example of Stockholm Syndrome, Diomande decided to swap Denmark for even colder climates in January 2024, specifically to the beautiful, sunny... Glasgow. A loan, mind you, for which we have our Scandinavian neighbours to thank, or blame, depending on how you look at it.
Despite swapping pickled herring with deep-fried Mars bars, surprisingly, Diomande managed the same stats in Scotland as his last season in Denmark – 13 first team appearances and scoring two goals. In the current season, he's already made half a dozen appearances, which, in layman's terms, is 'more than none'.
In an audacious move to finally end his nomadic lifestyle, Diomande was permanently adopted by Rangers in July 2024. The cost of this adoption was a pricey £4.3m in social services fees, or as they might say, 'transfer fees'. If you're wondering, that's the equivalent of approximately 10,721 deep-fried Mars bars. Yes, we counted. In that same season, he actually managed to make 13 appearances and even scored 2 goals, presumably because he thought it was fun.
He's also had the honour of playing in the League Cup, Scottish Cup, Europa League, and Champions League Qualifiers for Rangers, with various instances of starting and appearing as a sub. At least he knows now what it feels like to lose any sense of feeling in one's toes in the Scottish winter.
Though it's clear from his numbers that Diomande finds the tartan toga and battered Mars bars infinitely more attractive than the tropical sun of his native Ivory Coast, there's no denying that his time on the pitch for Rangers has been...well, it's been. Yet, here's to hoping that he'll continue this illustrious streak, and that his contribution to his team goes far beyond being a self-financed weather experiment.
