Meet Nicky Clark, Scottish by birth, footballer by trade and masochist by choice, judging by his luckless career pathway - a coveted spot in Aberdeen's youth team to err... bouncing around Scotland's lower leagues like a lost parcel in a post office. It's a career story that's as inspiring as watching paint dry on a damp and chilly Glaswegian morning. Clark, born on a sunny day in June 1991 (age 33), is a forward who gives a respectable effort as a striker for St Johnstone. Size-wise, he's a veritable Goliath at 5ft 10in (1.8m) and tips the scales at a whopping 10st 7lb (67kg). On the subject of numbers, he's fond of the number 10 jersey, maybe it's luck, or maybe he just likes even numbers.
Not to dampen your spirits, but according to those know-it-alls at Transfermarkt, Clark's current market value is a staggering €150k, or for those of us still using the Queen's currency, a more palatable £127k. As it stands, his contract with St Johnstone is approaching its sell-by-date; set to expire like forgotten milk in the fridge on 31 May 2025.
Now for the fun part, a riveting tour through a decade and a half of Scottish football, as seen through the prism of Clark's wanderings. Starting off in 2008, Clark was a bright-eyed trainee at Aberdeen before being shipped off to Peterhead a year later. Between 2009 - 2011, our man made 47 appearances, managing to sneak in eight goals when no one was looking.
Perhaps tired of the chilly winds off the north-east coast, Clark upped sticks and moved to Queen of the South in 2011. He must've found his scoring boots in that move because over the next two seasons, he made 66 appearances and scored a rather impressive 32 goals.
2013 saw Clark move to Rangers, a move which, according to ancient football custom, cannot be discussed in detail. Safe to say that his three seasons there were as even and consistent as the undulating hills of his native land, managing a respectable 19 goals in 78 appearances.
2016 was a blip year for our hero. A stint at Bury in England’s lower leagues was short, sweet, and entirely fruitless (three appearances, zero goals). Clark found solace back in Scotland, swapping on-loan servitude for Dunfermline Athletic where he rediscovered his scoring touch (21 goals in 47 appearances).
The rest, as they say, is history. An undisclosed fee lured him to Dundee United in 2018 amid rumours of a step-ladder and half-time pies. He had an uneventful time there before being seduced by the lure of St Johnstone.
Which brings us back to our sad tale of ambitious yet unfortunate journeyman. Clark is right where he's always been, in the middle of the action but never quite reaching the top, constantly changing clubs like some footballing wandering albatross. So far this season, he's polished off five goals in 19 appearances, holding up the walls of his niche admirably.
