Meet Nicky Clark, an enigma of the footballing world, as mystical as the Loch Ness monster but, unfortunately, less sighted in front of the goal. Born in Scotland on 3 June 1991, our spritely 33-year-old has made a career of masquerading as a striking sensation for whichever team is willing to take on the task of trying to squeeze goals from him, currently, it's St Johnstone's chore. Standing at a towering 5ft 10in, or 1.8m in real money, he tips the scales at 10st 7lb (67kg) of pure goal-thirsting ambition. And, in what is surely more of a humorous jest rather than a serious assignment, he dons the number 10 jersey.
According to our trusty pals at Transfermarkt, Clark's market value hovers around the hefty €300k mark, translates to roughly £256k for those of us who like to keep our currencies British. His contract with St Johnstone still has nine painfully long months left to run, threatening to expire on 31 May 2025 if we're all lucky.
It all began in the 2009 - 2010 season at Peterhead where our brave Clark graced the field in a demure 23 appearances and romanced the net with four goals. Sticking with Peterhead for the next torturous season, Clark continued his hot streak, achieving a carbon copy of his previous season's stats. God love consistency.
In 2011, Clark decided a scenery change was needed, and why not to the illustrious Queen of the South? 30 appearances and 32 goals later (a feat which still boggles the mind), he changed allegiance yet again, this time lining his pockets with Rangers' wage slips. In three seasons of varying lengths, Clark managed to potter onto the pitch 78 times, treating fans to a grand total of 19 goals.
England received a dose of Clark's magic during a short 3 match stint at Bury in 2016, but Scotland lured our hero back with the promise of 47 appearances over two seasons for Dunfermline Athletic. Famed for their endless patience, Dunfermline were rewarded with 21 goals for their pains.
Scotland's Dundee United got involved in the fray, employing Clark's services for three seasons, resulting in 71 appearances and sixteen goals. To the surprise and dismay of all involved, the 2022 - 2023 season only saw Clark grace Dundee's pitch three times
St Johnstone, the current bearers of Clark's unique talents, have thus far weathered two full seasons and received 44 appearances and eleven goals for their patience. The current season, however, is still a work in progress with a riveting six appearances to date. A testament to Clark's versatility, he's even had the odd cameo in some less prestigious cups too, bless him. Here's to you, Mr Clark, truly the mighty oak in the sprawling forest of Scottish football.
