Beware Celtic, Ibrox wunderkind Clinton Nsiala is about to take the Premiership by storm, and then the world, of course

So folks, Calvin Bassey 2.0 (Clinton Nsiala) has arrived on our shores, and he’s going to conquer all before him. Once he has done that, he will take the world by storm. It’s all been mapped out for him, with endorsements from none other than Marco Negri, and of course, Paula Maldini...